The worst part about having anxiety is OVERTHINKING .   I literally think the fuck out of things and I don ’t know how to turn my brain off. Overthinking will literally fucking kill you, if you let it!    I could be in a room full of people who are talking about relevant topics and my brain will be like, “March 18th, 2009! He said, I’ll call you in about an hour and infinite amounts of hours have passed and he still hasn’t called..... what’s wrong with me?!“   And then I’ll continue to think about that for the next 24 hours and that is how my glorious brain works.    The plus side is, I have a GREAT memory, the downside is, I have a GREAT memory.    I wish that I could be more spontaneous and just do shit without thinking about it, I mean some stuff isn’t always completely thought through, but it isn’t thoughtless either.    My brain is constantly working in O.T mode (overthinking mode!) So...

My last therapy session had homework:   Write a list of 10-20 things that you've wished for that you wouldn't dream of wishing for right now.  (I’ll choose ten!)   1.  I wished I was thin (now I just want to be healthy!) 2.  I wished I was beautiful (I look the way I look!) 3.  I wished I was popular (BARF!) 4.  I wished for perfect teeth (no one is ever satisfied with their teeth!) 5.  I wished for one of those fake sweep you off your feet romances (CRINGE!) 6.  I wished I was talented at just about anything (I am, I just had to grow into it!) 7.  I wished for a big giant beautiful brain that knew everything (knowing everything, isn ’t everything!) 8.  I wished for invisibility while desperately wanting to be seen (anxiety and depression for 300 Alex!?”) 9.  I wished I wouldn’t wake up sometimes because it was easier than feeling the way I felt (now I thank God for each and every second I’m breathing!) 10.  I wished I was...

     I like the concept of love and the traditions that it brings but Valentine ’ s Day has always been about expensive (because it's so expensive!)theatrics and corny romantic gestures. That makes me cringe. Anyone else feel me on that?   I guess I feel like you shouldn ’t need a specific day to celebrate love and all of its many forms! You should be able to convey this feeling every day of the year and not just today. Nonetheless, Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope it’s everything you need it to be!    On another note, I am ready to hit the ground running with my new project! I am starting courses on Monday to learn and hone my skill! I am really hoping that it’s something that I enjoy doing! I’ve never done anything like this before! That’s mainly because I avoided any sort of spotlight that could have shined down on me at all cost. I am still a little bit iffy on that, but I am working towards being more confident in myself, my abilities and just putting mys...

         So, I am going to be starting my biggest project, ever within the next few weeks and I am both nervous and super excited to be trying something new! I ’m not going to disclose any details yet, but stay tuned because I’ll be spilling all the tea very soon! It’s a solo project for now, but I am hoping as the months go on, I’ll be able to bring in other voices!         Anyway, so I finally made time to paint last night, we talked about this before, I am no artist but I just love the creative process so much and enjoy trying new things! I don’t hate the way it turned out, but then again, I could sit here until I am dead and still wouldn’t be 100% satisfied with it. I learned a long time ago that the more you mess with something, the more you’re going to hate it. What I mean by that is this:         I paint something and don’t love it. So I get another idea and think this will make it better; except it doesn’...

    So I thought today would be a good day to update y'all on my weight loss journey!         I will be the first to admit that even though I have made HUGE strides and I am so happy with my progress. Even though I am thrilled with where I am, I ’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I was farther along (but I figure this is probably common!) So far, I’ve lost 105LBS and a whopping 115 inches  in the last 8 months  (going on 9!)! That’s insane to even think about. I am literally half the size I used to be and I feel like I look like an entirely different human. (Which is what everybody also keeps telling me!)        I set a goal of 150 pounds and an unlimited amount of inches! So, my goal is not too far out of my reach! It takes a lot of focus and control to be able to eat your way into smaller clothes. Which is essentially what I’ve done.         Let’s talk about goals for a second here, when I ...

           There ’s a brief moment in the morning when you open your eyes and everything is calm, there’s no pandemic, people haven’t died, jobs haven’t been lost, people aren’t struggling financially, tragedy, racism and the hurt are gone and you feel absolutely at peace. You know that feeling I’m talking about, don't you? And then your feet hit the ground and it all comes flooding back!         The world has always been a vast and scary place but last year was hard and trying and this year I think is going to prove to be the same. Everyone is going through hard times and things are as unpredictable and worrisome as ever. This means that we should be banding together to try and combat all of the shit we’re being handed. Instead we’re angry, pissy, mean and hateful for absolutely no fucking reason at all. I get it, we’ve all got shit to be angry about but taking it out on others isn’t going to solve a goddamn thing.    ...

     I am 10/10 more of a music person than I am a T.V person but that doesn ’ t mean I don ’t love a good binge! Especially since the new norm is staying in! It's hard to find a ton of things to do inside! You can only clean, organize and stare off into space so much before you go nuts! When I'm not binging, I'm reading, writing, listening to music or creating in one way or another. But, for those times when nothing seems to be jiving, Netflix and Hulu are there to save the day! Here are my top 10, would 10/10 recommend binge-worthy shows:   1.  The Handmaids Tale (this is just plain disgusting and yet interesting; I can’t look away!) 2.  You (Joe is undeniably magnetic, murderer or not) 3.  Criminal Minds (Reid, Morgan. No other words needed) 4.  11.22.63 (This was interesting as hell and I wish it was longer than 8 episodes!) 5.  The Umbrella Academy (I really enjoyed this! So far there are only 2 seasons but I am hoping for a 3 rd !)...

Edibles: What they don ’t tell you.         When you have anxiety like me you try many, many things in order to help with the overwhelming feelings and emotions that you go through on a regular basis.         I’ve tried prescription medications, many of them! Some worked alright and others made me feel completely out of touch with reality. I suppose it’s always like that when trying to find what works with a persons chemical makeup.        Before I get too deep into this story, I absolutely hate taking medication of any kind, I usually wait until my head feels like it’s going to explode before I even take Tylenol. So when my doctor suggested that I tried edibles as a way to calm myself down from my heavy anxiety attacks, I was very hesitant to say the least.        Coming from a girl who has smoked pot a few times in her lifetime (high school was a very weird time for me, okay?) I thought I knew wh...

       There ’s so much I want to accomplish before I’m 30, does anyone else give themselves deadlines like this? I can’t stop or control the aging process but I can control what happens in that time-frame. So another listicle today, but it’s going to be an interesting one! Have you ever sat down and thought about what you’d like to have accomplished by the time you’re a certain age? I’ll be 28 in March and I’ve never been more motivated to get myself out there and start actually living and not just existing. Here’s to crossing off goals and loving the air around me again!     30 BEFORE 30: (In no order of importance)   1.  I want to have lost 150 pounds. (this is sort of a cheat, I know! I am already more than 1/2 way there!) 2.  Go back to college to further my education. 3.  I want to be living somewhere new; new city? New town? New state? 4.  Keep a plant alive longer than a month.  5.  I’d like to have 3-5 publication...