O. V. E. R. T. H. I. N. K. I. N. G will F*CKING K.I.L.L you




            The worst part about having anxiety is OVERTHINKING.

 

I literally think the fuck out of things and I don’t know how to turn my brain off. Overthinking will literally fucking kill you, if you let it! 

 

I could be in a room full of people who are talking about relevant topics and my brain will be like, “March 18th, 2009! He said, I’ll call you in about an hour and infinite amounts of hours have passed and he still hasn’t called..... what’s wrong with me?!“

 

And then I’ll continue to think about that for the next 24 hours and that is how my glorious brain works. 

 

The plus side is, I have a GREAT memory, the downside is, I have a GREAT memory. 

 

I wish that I could be more spontaneous and just do shit without thinking about it, I mean some stuff isn’t always completely thought through, but it isn’t thoughtless either. 

 

My brain is constantly working in O.T mode (overthinking mode!) Some days are easier than others and it helps now that I’ve worked so hard on healing myself from the inside out. It’s really amazing what living a clean eating/active lifestyle can do for you. I was never taught about this type of health, it was always just implied and then with the other mental health stuff, it was so easy to just let myself go. 

 

I chose easy because everything else in my life seemed so hard. Getting out of bed, breathing, living, going out into public, being social, all of it. My brain told me over and over again how I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t strong enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough; my brain didn’t love me as much as I just didn’t love me. 

 

Which is why I’ve dedicated 2021 to my mental and physical health. It’s a journey that is LONG overdue! It’s weird to finally choose myself when for the majority of my life, I’ve chose the happiness of others over my own; which only made the war inside my brain even harder. 

 

I am literally a new person. Weightloss, therapy and a whole lot of forgiving myself for shit I realize now, that I couldn’t have controlled even on my best day. 

 

If you knew the old me and we haven’t spoke in a while, I encourage you to get to know the new me. You might be surprised just how far I’ve come. I am a cynic no more!


XOXO




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