I don't know why but today feels like my last normal day before a lot of things change.  I have my first doctor appointment tomorrow. It's my first appointment at a real doctor in about 4-5 years. It's the initial appointment, so basically just a full physical. I just have a feeling that it's the first appointment of many.       There is very good chance that I'm wrong and there isn't that much wrong with me. But I feel like there is something majorly wrong. Lately my body has been feeling cancery. I KNOW that sounds crazy. But it could be two types based on my symptoms. Ovarian or breast. Cancer does run in my family and I can't lie, I AM crazy, I realize. But anxiety and fear can do that to you.       I PRAY that I am not in that deep, I PRAY that it's a vitamin deficiency but based on my prior experience in the luck department, I am not a person who generally has any.       I also have another surger...

     I spent all day today relaxing, watching tv, doing some art and gaming a little! It was a nice slow down reminder that not everything has to be done at warp speed!       I have it in my head that in order to be successful, productive and or a successful member society I have to do everything, be everything and know everything. So I push myself into uncomfortable situations, I never slow down and I feel like warp speed, sleep deprived Shelby is the only way to be all of those things.       It's days like today that remind me that those things aren't true.      In order for me to be able to fill others cups and be successful, productive and a member of society I have to learn how to keep filling my own cup!       Today I am reminded that I am a person who needs R&R just like any other person. Rest and recovery is how I continue being exactly who I am supposed to be!      ...

     I've been staying up until 8-10AM every night/day working on portfolio pieces! I am not in a program or anything, I don't have any plans to submit it anywhere! But lately, lately I have had an overwhelming urge to add pieces to it!       I am still trying to find my artistic voice, my style and everything in between, but I AM starting to feel more and more confident in the work that I am putting out there.        I know that no matter what I create, there are going to be people out there who don't like it, don't understand it and won't even attempt to understand it! My parents are generally people who don't understand my creative instincts.       I have always walked to the beat of my own drum, I have always done what I wanted, creatively. I got my first tattoo when I was 16, I now am covered in them! I feel more myself, because of them! Each and every time I add to my collection I feel an obvious sense of s...

     I have been in full art portfolio mode this week! Adding new artwork, getting bolder with my choices and my colors! And really stepping outside my comfort zone with my choices in art.       I was raised to think colors meant something other than what they meant. Colors are a beautiful bold expression of life, vibrancy and boldness. I have also come to the conclusion that I am in LOVE with pattern. I have always been drawn to fun, colorful patterns but in an attempt to, "hide" my body I always made bland solid colored choices.       As i've gotten older, I have realized that my body was still going to have fat on it, even if I wore colorful clothes. People were still going to notice that I was a larger person, even if I wore colorful clothing.       After I lost 130 pounds, I still had an urge to go for boring clothing. It's been something that i've been having to literally beat out of my brain. It's been a l...

       For anyone new around here, I figured I'd reintroduce myself! Here are a few things: My name is Shelby!  I'm 29 years old!  I'm 2/4th Thai!  In the last two years I've lost 130 pounds naturally through diet and exercise!  I'm what people would call a, "jack of all trades" I dabble in just about everything and anything in the creative world. If i'm not into it yet, I will be! I love learning for the sake of learning!  I'm stepping out into the world of illustration right now and finding that it's one of my favorite outlets of creativity!  I went have a BA in Creative Writing that I earned in 3 years instead of 4! I am a type 4 on the enneagram scale! Click here to read about it! I'm a writer. I'm not entirely sure what I want to write yet, but I know that doing the very act of writing fills my soul with so much fire! I have a few published pieces but am always looking to publish more!  I have over a dozen tattoos and a 1/2 sl...

     It's about that time where I spend hundreds of dollars to prove to myself that I CAN take care of myself and could in fact, "live off the land" if I wanted to.       Now, let me be very clear, I love growing my own food, the concept is wonderful to me! Does that mean I want to give up my indoor plumbing and my electricity. Because rest assured, your girl would be absolutely nowhere without a hot shower and the freakin' toilet.       But I went and got 140 pounds of soul. plant food, plant bug spray, vitamins, seeds, and everything in between! There's likely nothing left for anyone else to buy! I mean, I'm obviously kidding but seriously, it's the, "That pepper only would have cost around 80 cents to purchase but it's growing in 40 dollar soil." that really gets me!      BUT, the fact that I will have grown it myself is just as much of a reward as the pepper is going to be!       I did it a lit...

     I picked up paints today for the first time in over a year. That is mind blowing to me! Because when I started my journey into art, I was strictly pen and paper, gouache and paper and acrylic and paper.      Since evolving into the digital world, I find it really, "difficult" to pull out the paints, make a mess and spend hours making sure my lines are just the way I want them.      Today I carefully and joyfully picked my color pallet and got to painting. I have been seeing, "flower of the month" all over Instagram so I decided I would join in...Just this once! And with something completely random! I just wanted to feel joy, especially today.      I know you've all seen the news, I won't be going into it but today I am an absolute mess. I am angry and heartbroken and all I want to do is hold my littles tight tonight and thank the Lord that they're all still here, happy and healthy.       Anyway, here's ...

     Wanna hear something kinda funny?! My title, was completely unintentional. I went to spell, "tattoo" and my brain did, well that.      Y'all when I tell you that tattoo exhaustion is real, I'm not joking! I sat for 3 hours today getting tattooed, less time than the previous FOUR hour session, but come on people, I'm on my period, I just had a toenail removed and guys, if you've never had that done, you have absolutely NO room to judge how much of a baby I am being about it.       It's disgusting, painful and so fucking time consuming. If you can survive life with all 10 toenails, do it! Keep them, save them but for the love of God, DON'T let them take the damn toenail!       Anyway, I am finally FINISHED with this damn half sleeve, today was my 3rd and final session and I am relieved to have it done! Don't get me wrong, I LOVE getting tattoed, but these long sessions are exhausting! Plus that the heal time for la...

     Today I went and finalized my passport! handed over a few hundred bucks and sent my information off to the unknown including my birth certificate, which is scary! But you know, it is what it is!       Today I got a really kind gift in the mail from my parents! They surprised me with three cookbooks that are geared towards gluten free and dairy free recipes! I am so excited! I was struggling to come up with consistent recipes! Now I have literally 600 recipes at my disposal!       It was out of the norm and so sweet, I am not used to receiving any type of gift, I usually and the one gifting things because that's one of my love languages!       Anyway, I am just trudging through life one day at a time, waiting for my doctor appointment on the 1st! It can't come soon enough! I cannot wait to start feeling like a normal human again! I am praying this doctor can give me the answers I am looking for! Because I'm s...

     To be completely honest, I spent the majority of the day feeling like absolute trash. Not only did I have my heel carved out with a scalpel but I had a whole toenail removed.       Yep, You read that right! I had a fucking toenail professionally removed and then chemically burned so it won't come back! From years of being rammed in cleats, shoved in bad work shoes and everyday living and adventuring, I have mistreated this guys for years and years.       So I finally said, enough is enough! So off to the Podiatrist I went! Surprisingly enough, he said my feet were not in as bad of shape as I thought them to be! (I absolutely hate feet, so I always assume the worst when it comes to them!)      He did however tell me that I NEEDED custom orthotics because my feet are incredibly flat (Thanks dad and grandpa!) I have absolutely no arch what-so ever!       Anyway, if you've ever wanted to know what...

     I've got a lot going on right now and today I just don't feel great. I know it's my body telling me to slow down and let myself rest, but I have such a hard time with that!       As if all the other stuff wasn't enough, the Lord decided to bestow my freakin' period upon me! And God, did it hit HARD! The cramps are extra and it's making me feel so nauseated!       So I am off to relax and hopefully sleep so I can heal and feel better!       I hope you're all having a great weekend!  XOXO 

     I had my feet messed with today! I had a toenail removed. BARF! But, from YEARS of my feet being stuffed in cleats, bad work shoes and everything in between I also had my heel "shaved" because I have a massive callus.       Back story, my feet are extremely flat, like literal wood planks. (Thanks dad!) But, that apparently isn't great for your body or your feet, who knew!?       So now I have a doctor appointment (my first with a new DR) on June 1st.....now I have a second podiatrist appointment on June 1st.       One is at 10:40AM about 45 minutes from home.  The other is at 1:40PM 45 minutes the other direction.       For my Podiatrist appointment, they're going to check so make sure my toe is healing properly AND I am going to be getting fitted for CUSTOM orthotics! I am SOOOOOO freakin' excited! I pray this is what I need to help with feet/leg and back pain caused by my extreme f...

     Spent my night with some of my little babes at baseball games! It’s no secret that I’m a super proud auntie to 8 little cuties! They literally mean the world to me! I couldn't love them anymore than I do!      I’m so blessed by these little people and amazed and so proud every single day by their accomplishments!      I also got to watch my nephew, Asher UMP his first game behind home plate tonight! Also proud of you bud!      Tomorrow is my dads knee surgery and my feet procedure so I'm not sure how present I'll be but I will be sure to give you all an update!      I hope you/re all having a great week! XOXO

     My dad is having knee surgery on Friday and I am having a very, very minor foot procedure done on both of my feet!       I know what you're thinking, JESUS, does it ever end?! The answer is NO! Life is always happening, it never quits and it doesn't slow down even when we don't think we can handle it, LIFE DOESN'T CARE!      Because my love language is giving (even when I have literally nothing to give) I always find a way to try and brighten peoples days. Especially when they're going through it!       So I decided to make a hand made card right down to the art on the cover and create a cute little bundle of movies, snacks and get well items for my dad! I had a vision for what I wanted it to look like and you know what?! It didn't disappoint! Not one bit!       Here's how it turned out:      I added a personal message to the other side of the card and it's ready to go! I am goi...

       I went to my niece, Mya's track meet today and let me tell you, this little lady kicks ass! I love how determined she is! She also has an unapologetic way of living and I couldn't be more proud of her for that! She is confidently her, no exceptions! We need more of that kind of energy in the world!       After her meet, we went to the rest of my nephew, Keagan's baseball game! He also is an incredible athlete! He is just way too hard on himself if he doesn't play perfectly!       My parent's also were there and dad brought the grill and they made everyone dinner while we watched the rest of the baseball game!       All in all, it was a great day out watching my littles (let's be honest, NOT so little anymore) babes do what they love!       I hope you all had a blessed Tuesday!  XOXO 

     I’ve been using Cirkul casually for awhile now! I really enjoyed them but hated the plastic bottle! So I finally decided to pull the trigger on a 32 oz stainless steel bottle! And I’m already in love with it! It keeps my water SO cold! I also ordered 24 more sips! (3 shipped separately, but are on the way!) these are a really fun 0 calorie, 0 sugar spin on everyday water!      I also love that there are multiple settings so I don’t have to only have it one way! I can also switch to plain water!      Perfect for all my traveling and adventures this summer!      Also, I got gray so I could customize some stickers of my own and put them on there! Now I have to just start drawing!!     I'm really excited for some upcoming changes! My schedule is pretty tight for the next few weeks! I have a lot of fun things planned and a few not so fun things, but you're in luck because my life is a chaotic mess and I plan ...

     I realize I haven't talked about how i've been feeling lately.  In all honesty since the new diet, I have been feeling a lot better! I still haven't been eating a ton, but way more than before.       The last two days though, I haven't been feeling the greatest. I was fine all day yesterday but then when it came to be around bedtime, I got a bit of a sour stomach. I took some medicine and I went to bed and woke up feeling better. I assumed I just ate too much yesterday.       Cut to today, same thing, I woke up feeling fine and then just out of nowhere, I have a bit of a sour stomach. I haven't taken anything yet because I am trying to see if it's my anxiety, my upcoming period or just me and the new normal.       I am still trying to see about getting into a new female doctor who is also my sisters doctor and from how she's taken care of my sister, I know she will allow me to advocate for myself and ac...

     I went to the farmers market this morning for some fresh veggies and some amazing GF/V bread!  Then I used some of my finds to make a delicious dinner! Farmers market season is my favorite season!      Mexican “street” taco bowls for dinner used my grill from my parents and it worked perfectly! I used some of my Farmers Market finds tonight!      I think that the gluten free/dairy free me is getting the hang of this!      I hope your Saturday was full of sunshine , full of love and so peaceful!     I am reminded of how blessed I am each and everyday! I have clean clothes, food on my table, a roof over my head, I woke up this morning, all of my loved ones are still here and I feel so thankful!     All the obstacles I have been facing are just that, obstacles. I am strong enough and tough enough to face whatever this life throws at me!     Which, I am hoping isn't much mo...

     I had leftover fingertip soup for dinner, which was good! If you have NO idea what I'm talking about, please refer to yesterday's post.       Today was a pretty chill day, I got some sleep in, did some trivial art and had some amazing double chocolate brownie gluten free and dairy free cookies.       Honestly, I didn't do a whole lot today and it's been pretty incredible! In order for me to get in touch with my inner happiness, keep living in mindfulness and joy I have to have days where I don't do anything! My mental health literally depends on it!       If you are like me, please never feel guilty for taking time for yourself! Don't be bullied into thinking that you're useless if you need to take a break!       There is a difference between taking a break and quitting! Don't ever quit, just take a break!  XOXO 

     Today started like any other day, wake up, work out, eat some food, take a shower, etc...      After my mid morning nap, yeah, I take naps because I like them, simple as that!       When I got up, I had made the decision to go to a couple of my niece and nephews softball and baseball games. I have 8 of them in which 7 of them are in sports right now! One of them is in two! So, it's a busy schedule! If I make it to at least one of them each,  I consider myself accomplished! haha      Anyway, it was literally 90 degrees outside today and do you know what I RUSHED around my kitchen frantically trying to put together?!? Guess...just GUESS!       WHITE CHICKEN CHILI....YEAH, A HOT ASS SOUP LIKE MEAL. THAT'S ME! I'M THE WHITE CHICKEN CHILI ON A 90 DEGREE DAY GIRL!       Anyway, I cut my peppers up with scissors for soup because they don't have to be pretty and it's a lot faster t...

     Being still and quiet 🤫 for just a few minutes a day gives your mind a break from input. 🧠 That break creates space in your thinking 💭 which allows you to hear 👂 your own voice and get back in tune with your inner compass. Give yourself time to breathe, take everything in and just be still for awhile. You'll find that most of your mental blocks will fade away, your heart will be lighter, you'll be more focused throughout the day and overall you'll just be happier.       Life moves at a fast pace, but that doesn't mean you have too!       Here's a little selfie of some rock climbing adventures of the day! It feels great to be able to get outside again! The fresh air is healing to say the least!  XOXO  

     Today I went for a 6 mile walk to get in some exercise and to clean out the mental cobwebs that have been inhabiting my brain! It helped that the weather was absolutely gorgeous! at a sunny 71 degrees!       The nature therapy DEFINITELY helped!      Afterwords, my sister and I went and did a little self care shopping which for me lately, means new gluten free and dairy free foods to try, Hobby Lobby for random finds and whatever else I could find that sparked joy within me!       What can I say? Today, today l ife is good! I’m starting to feel more like myself everyday!   Which if you've been following along, you know just how incredible that feels! Over the last 2 years I have fought and clawed my way into health.       It hasn't been easy...not in the least. When I tell you I have failed myself many times, I've thought about giving up, i've contemplated my life on more t...