I slept for nearly 12 hours and still feel exhausted. But I think I am getting closer to answers! Which, is a big relief and also so stressful. I am trying to be optimistic, but the downside of living is feeling all of the pain that comes with it.       The downside of living would really be having to experience a life free from pain, because it's my belief that you truly find yourself in those moments of grief, tragedy and even in moments of genuine contentedness.       I'm trying to remind myself of that. It's just hard at times.       I'm grateful for the extra zzz's and for waking up another day to keep fighting!       I promise i'll be getting back to the adventurous fun loving person I was before! Because my heart is craving all my missed adventure right now!       I just know for now, I need to rest and get better!  XOXO    

     This might be an unpopular opinion but, I just don’t care! We get SO caught up in, “giving it our all” that we forget that, “giving it our some” is also perfectly acceptable.      Sometimes our all is the bare minimum and even though most people are quick to judge, just know “bare minimum” means something completely different to every single person.      So my PSA today is don’t let anyone bully you if you decide that what you need today is to just give it your some, instead of your all!      Self care looks however you want it to!      Today my self care looks like me giving it my some instead of my all and I couldn’t be more at peace. XOXO

      The last few weeks have been nothing short of absolutely insane.      A year and a half ago I had emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed.      The following months were pretty normal and I felt great. On and off I’d have a gallbladder attack and knew it was normal (after I found out that you can still have them without a gallbladder, who would’ve thought?!)      When the attacks starting coming for weeks at a time, I decided it was time to stop being stubborn and go see my doctor.      After lots of testing and bloodwork it’s been decided that I have a gluten allergy AND I’m lactose intolerant. Which is apparently super common after gallbladder removal!     I’ve been through a whirlwind of emotions, mostly angry and feeling a serious amount of FOMO over the food I can no longer consume, the easiness of going out and grabbing food that I'm craving and everything in betwee...

     Here's some of the best advice I’ve given in awhile:  “Don’t let your ice cream melt while counting somebody else’s sprinkles.”      I have so many clients that tell me something like this, “I was just browsing looking for recipes and seen this guy lost X amount of weight in 4 days…why am I not doing that?!”      There are several reasons, but the main reasons are this: Men lose weight at a much faster rate than women, scientifically speaking.      We ALL lose weight differently. At different paces and in different ways. This weight loss journey is YOURS and yours alone! You can’t compare your weight loss to anybody else’s!      I lost 130 pounds in a year. To me, that’s a lot. But it doesn’t mean somebody else will lose that much or that little. We’re all unique to ourselves!      Moral of the story? Comparison kills more victories than anything!      Also #fitcheck - ca...

     My body is still recovering and purging from dairy and gluten. The detox process is HARD and literally so exhausting! I feel tired after doing the littlest things. Which for me, is hard because over the last two years I have built up my endurance and stamina to pretty much be able to do anything, for any period of time and be okay.       Not during this time! Cooking a simple meal is exhausting! Folding the laundry is exhausting! Hell, showering is exhausting!       So today I woke up and decided that I needed more sleep, so I just laid back down and took myself a nap. At first I felt horrible, there were things that I could've been doing with my time. But I instead, selfishly took a nap.       Until I reminded myself that my body NEEDED rest, my body is the very thing that carries me through this life. I need it to be well, rested and content. I need to take care of my mind body and soul, because if I don't...

     I love baking, if you've been following along at all you know this about me. Both cooking and baking bring me so much joy but I think it's because I have a deep connection and appreciation for food. Where it comes from, how it's made and everything in between!       Now that I am venturing into new territory with non-dairy and gluten free. I have to come up with new recipes, read about new ingredients and figure out how to enjoy food again.       When you feel like food and your body are betraying you tend to push the one thing aside that you can control, which is food.       I've been neglecting eating, scared to eat and downright refusing to eat for a couple of weeks now.       Now that I'm dairy free and gluten free, I can stomach foods and I am tying hard to fall in love with it al again.       I've had to invent and reinvent myself for 2 years now multiple times a...

     We went out just to do a little fun shopping today! We didn't really need anything, but we hadn't gone out just to fun shop in forever, so today was the day!       After that, we stopped over to see baby Zay and the rest of the family for a little while! I got to give them the onesie that I made for him! it was only a tad too big! (3-6 months) He's a week old, literally today haha.       Here's a few snaps of the day:     My heart is so full and I feel so blessed! I hope you've all had amazing weekends! Here's to a fruitful and healthy week ahead!  XOXO   

     The last two days have been promising. I don't want to jinx myself, because in my world, when I feel good, especially as of late... I don't want to hurt myself by putting it out in the universe.       I always get scared that of the universe hears me, it'll take it all back and I'll revert right back to that sick, hurt, full of pain girl.       I know the universe doesn't work that way, but sometimes...sometimes I wonder.       That's where I am today. My headaches have lessened, not completely gone, but better. I'm hoping that 52$ nasal spray I was talking about is helping me! I do feel pretty congested again and my ears are starting to hurt a lot. Which I think is because the fluid is starting to move. Hopefully this means I'm kicking it to the damn curb.       I made a Vegan+gluten free lasagna today! Surprisingly enough, it was delicious! Plant based everything, who knew! It looks dry...

     A baby born after a miscarriage is often referred to as a rainbow baby. Because after a rainstorm, often times you can find a rainbow in the sky.       A beautiful and subtle reminder that life is hard, but so beautiful. I can finally share my rainbow baby, nephew with you all!       He is absolutely perfect in every single way.       Please excuse my face, I was literally fighting back tears the entire day!       Today I decided to make him a onesie that not only celebrated him and his amazing arrival but his brother or sister that we lost before him.       That is indeed a rainbow WITH dinosaurs inside of it. There are perks of being creative! But also, like that usually means I'm who everyone goes to for their creative needs! haha       Happy Friday, friends!  XOXO 

     Can we just talk about the health care system and how much of a freakin ’ racket it is?!       I got my prescriptions today... two of them...wanna know how much my prescription nasal spray was?!?! FIFTY TWO DOLLARS... Yep, 52 bucks.         Most people make 10 ish dollars an hour.... I have absolutely no interest in spending 5 hours at a job to pay for fucking nasal spray.         But guess what...I BOUGHT THE DAMN NASAL SPRAY. Why? Because I need it.         If you don’t know already, GoodRX gives you good coupons. Use it! I have insurance, but for some reason, my insurance didn’t cover the damn spray, so that left me paying for it out of pocket. Which is bananas! We spend money every month to pay for health insurance just for us to have to turn around and pay 52 bucks for nasal spray. Yep. It’s a damn racket.        I also got some Naproxen 500 for pai...

     I finally called and got myself some antibiotics for my ears. I ’ve been avoiding it because I had just come off of them for a different reason. And now, now I have two prescriptions for an inner ear infection and an upper respiratory infection.       I feel like the whole damn struggle bus right now. Not a passenger, not the driver, the whole Goddamn bus, Just destroying everything in my path!      My life seems so bleak right now, but I’m doing my best to stay positive. I hope that getting rid of the ear infection will help with my nausea and I know it should help with the sudden spurts of dizziness. Which have proven to be completely awful.      I’m taking life one day at a time right now, because that’s all I can do! Pray for me, because Lord, I need it!       I hope you’re having a blessed hump day and you’re staying healthy! Health is wealth people!    XOXO 

     I literally slept all day today! It was EPIC! I'm not even sorry I did it! Did I have a bunch I had to do? Yep! Did I accomplish anything? Nope! Am I upset about that? Nah!      My body, especially right now, needs ALL the rest it can get! It's been going through some really intense changes!       I'm trusting that God is going to continue guiding me. I feel like his punching bag most days, if I'm being completely honest. I know that's not how it works, but sometimes...sometimes I just feel like packing it in and giving up.       I know i'm stronger than all of that and have overcome so much in my life as it is. I don't plan on giving up anytime soon, I just need to wallow in my own self-pity from time to time.  It helps me remember why i've never given up on myself.       I'm working on myself from every single aspect and just trying to get by one day at a time, it's the best I can do at...

     This will go down as one of the greatest days of my life! Welcome to the world, Zayden! I love you more than words can describe! Welcome to the tribe, sweet boy!     My heart is SO full and I am so in love! I promise to be there for you in every step of life, to teach and guide you to the best of my ability! Love you forever and always! XOXO

     Okay, if you've ever watched Schitt's Creek, you understand the title of this post! Yesterday we had Easter festivities with my entire family and today? Today we were BLESSED with a brand new, healthy baby BOY! Zayden Maynard, 8 lbs 3 OZ and 21 inches of perfect, chunky little man!       I have pictures, when I get the OK, I'll share them! But for now, I am rejoicing in being an Auntie again! I feel so blessed!       Happy Easter, everyone! I hope your day is at least as HALF as good as mine has been already!  XOXO 

     I did things a little different this year!      I wanted to do something fun for the kids instead of just giving them their goodies!      So, I created a scavenger hunt with 10 clues all around my parents house that lead them to their goodies!      Of course they each got Easter baskets full of goodies but I also wanted to make more time to create memories with them, they’re all getting so big and I just want to spend all the time with them while they still want to spend it with me so I also got them all movie tickets so we can go see something all together! (If you keep scrolling you’ll find the adult games!)      Then I also wanted to do something fun for the adults so I decided to do something similar! We started off the game with a little race towards a balloon pop followed by some riddles. Once both riddles were solved the last task they had was to find 1 singular egg hidden around the property!...