I spent today with my sister, nephews and brother in law swimming over at my parents house! It was a beautiful, 80 degree day and I feel so blessed that I was able to feel the sun on my skin today! It's a different sort of healing when you allow the sun to recharge and refuel you.       I can't explain it, but it refreshes apart of my soul that I didn't even know needed to be healed or repaired.       I came home today feeling lighter, exhausted, but lighter. The weight I felt on my heart and the stress I was feeling before seems so insignificant! I understand it's a process, I have to give myself grace and allow myself to feel whatever it is that I need to feel.       Suppressing feelings is SO last year, I won't let myself fall down into that dark place anymore!      I hope whoever reads this blog, had an EXCELLENT weekend!      Our moments are forever fleeting, don't forget t...

     I spent the evening at a baseball game with my family for pirates and princess night! Here are just some of the pictures we took! It was a fun night spending with with 16 of the 18 of our brute!  XOXO 

    𝕃𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕒𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕕: 𝕓𝕦𝕥 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕚𝕥 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕣𝕖 𝕤𝕥𝕣𝕦𝕘𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦’𝕣𝕖 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤!      𝕀 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕓𝕠𝕠𝕜 𝕒 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕡𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕕𝕒𝕪𝕤 𝕒𝕘𝕠 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕒𝕞 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝟙𝟘 𝕡𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕤 𝕒 𝕕𝕒𝕪! (𝔸𝕝𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕀’𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕗𝕦𝕝𝕝 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕔𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕀’𝕞 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕡𝕦𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕥 𝕕𝕠𝕨𝕟!)      𝕀 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕤𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕀’𝕞 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕠𝕣 𝕓𝕖𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕦𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕖𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕥 𝕞𝕪 𝕕𝕒𝕪!      𝕎𝕙𝕚𝕔𝕙 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤 𝕞𝕖𝕒𝕟 𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕦𝕡 𝕒𝕥 𝟟𝕒𝕞-𝟠𝕒𝕞 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕓𝕖𝕕 𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕝 𝟜𝕒𝕞 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘.      𝕊𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖𝕤 𝕨𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦’...

     Today I feel off, I woke up feeling off! For starters, I woke up and immediately had a headache, which usually never happens. Generally a sign that I either didn't sleep long enough or I slept really hard and my body feels dehydrated because of it. So I drank some water and took some Tylenol and laid back down.      Because on top of that, I had a stomach ache. Just a slight, dull nausea that made me feel totally and completely off. Which feeling nauseated is NOT something abnormal for me, unfortunately. I go and see a Gastroenterologist Sept. 8th which is the soonest I could get in for an Endoscopy.  They'll be looking for: gastroesophageal reflux disease. ulcers. cancer link. inflammation, or swelling. precancerous abnormalities such as Barrett's esophagus. celiac disease. strictures or narrowing of the esophagus. blockages.      And anything else that they might think could be linked to my recent tummy issues and gallbladder remo...

     Oh to be seen and not heard. To exist in a place where you can always be seen, so you can be used but only exist in that form.       It's the oldest form of dismissal in the book. You share you world with people and in return those people take your kindness, sincerity, genuine heart and they turn you into someone whose feelings get invalidated, undermined and you get swept to the side feeling crazy.       Never felt this way? Consider yourself lucky!      Because lately, with the people in my life, I am feeling completely unheard. I do feel seen. I have to be seen, because I am needed to do all the things for them that they can't do for themselves or refuse to do for themselves. Whichever the reason!       I always have to do all the things and sometimes I feel like if I didn't have to be the one to remember them all, i'd feel a little more heard than I do. Or maybe if I wa...

     I don't know what to write so I am going to ramble. I am tired. So tired. I sleep all day, all day I sleep, except I don't sleep, I just lay here. Awake but in a trace where I can't really move or speak but I hear everything that's going on around me. So i'm in full awareness, yet asleep is where I stay.       I know I didn't just make a whole lot of sense, or maybe I did.       I feel like I'm in a constant state of awareness but I'm always walking around in a complete haze. It's the oddest feeling ever.       I got out of the house today just for the sake of getting out! I needed to, "shake the stink off" as my mother would put it! Because I hadn't left the house in several days due to period pain!       I was going to go, "me" shopping but I ended up going Christmas shopping haha, typical Shelby! I did get some stuff for myself but, got some gifts purchased which is really relieving to...

     My dentist appointment for tomorrow got cancelled because the hygienist is sick, which i'm thankful that I didn't get all the way there for them to tell me she was out. I have however been waiting for this appointment for over two months.       Because it is nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get into any doctors office in an urgent way right now. (Same with the VETS in my area, if you were wondering!) My teeth have been bothering me lately and I am almost certain it's due to sinuses, but I am wanting that confirmation so I can be sure that my teeth are being cared for properly! My anxiety over it needs to be eased! I have obsessive thoughts over all of my teeth falling out! haha      Anyway, now that my day tomorrow is free, I think I'm going to go out and have a me day and just do some little things here and there that I've been putting off!       Here's to a hopefully great week ahead!  XOXO 

     Today was a rough day,  I'm going through it with the period pain and the nausea. I'm at a pain level 8 or 9 today.       I'm trying to work my way through it with pain medicine management, relaxing and everything in between!       I'm also having a pretty consistent period headache! Nothing is touching it and that isn't helping with the nausea situation at all!       It was a bad month (cyst wise!) YAY me! But that's life! If you've never had one burst on your ovaries, I envy you!       Anyway, tomorrow is a new day! I am ready for a new day! XOXO

     I've drawn 23 pieces of art in the last 2 days and I am BEAT! On top of that, if you read yesterdays ridiculousness, you know I am in the middle of hell. My ovaries are waging war against me and I am so damn tired! IYKYK!      Anyway, I will share some of the art a little later but I don't have the energy to upload! You can however go and follow my IG here  to keep up with my life, my art, and just something other than the random shit I write here!       Today is going to be a short, sweet and to the point kind of post!       Here's some advice: Don't be born a girl with ovaries....       Just fucking kidding, we're awesome! We just have hard lives occasionally!  XOXO 

     If I ever needed proof that God was a sadistic man, every single month like clock work, I'm reminded!       Listen,  if you're a man reading this, you can either get woke and keep reading OR you can keep scrolling!       Being a woman is HARD! You have to literally fight for every single thing in this life!       Here are some examples: We have to fight for our seat at the table, every table. We have to fight for basic human rights.  We have to fight for equal pay. We have to fight to be taken seriously in any setting.      The list could literally quite literally go on and on! But I'm going to stop there...for now.      Where on Earth am I going with this you ask? Well, I started my period today and I am still expected to do all the things! I don't get to stop living just because the lining of my uterine walls are literally being shredded!  ANOTHER REASON WHY WOM...

     That is by far the longest title I think I've ever had but it was fitting!       I stumbled across an art challenge YESTERDAY for the month of July. A new prompt every single day of the month! It's the 21st of the month sooooo, that's sort of like being in the bottom of the 7th inning, right? The odds that i'll ever catch up are definitely against me, but that isn't going to stop me from trying! I am going to try and catch up to the current day but drawing until my fingers are numb!       Which just so happens is right now, because I was up ALL night long and got 6.5 pieces done! Woke up at a decent time, had some errands to run, finished the 1/2 piece! Took a cat nap and now i'm here, writing this, waiting for my iPad to charge so I can hit the ground running again!       In between this, there will be coffee, food, snacks, ice cream, tears, sighs, anger,  A LOT of, "WHY AM I DOING THIS?!!?!?!??" and e...

     I don't have any details for you yet! But here's a little taste of what's going down at my place! ENJOY! XOXO  

Okay, hear me out...ICE! It's delicious! It makes your drinks cold and delicious and perfect!  My fridge doesn't have an ice maker, my fridge freezer is small and my deep freezer is literally always packed to the gills with food. now i'm not complaining, because having food for a lot of people is a luxury! But that leaves absolutely NO room for ICE!  And before you say, "It SoUnDs LiKe YoU hAvE aN iRoN dEfIciAnCy" Shut up, I do! I take my iron for it! I'm just passionate about my ice, okay?!  Anyway, I was at Sams Club, grocery shopping and walking down aisles that I had absolutely NO business walking down  And there it was, the answer to my problems and sitting there for ONLY a hundred bucks? I don't think I've ever added anything to my cart so fast. Was I LOOKING to spend 100$ on anything not relating to groceries? Nope. Was I intending on adding an ice maker to my arsenal of kitchen appliances? Absolutely not! Am I literally the happiest person ever...

     Today was one of the first days in a long time I can remember myself stopping to actually take a breath.       I can honestly say it was a good day or at least not the worst day that I've had in a really long time.       I don't know when I'll feel like myself 100% again, but I have high hopes! Anxiety and Depression are a silent killer and I hope that if you struggle with either of them or both of them you have people in your corner! Someone you can talk to or confide in!       I am not going to ruin a good day or feeling by thinking negative thoughts! I am trusting that I am just going to keep climbing my mountain and getting passed this beast, yet again!       This is what happens when you get comfortable, anxiety and depression steps in and tells you that it's time to step out of that comfort zone and forces you to reset and refocus on new things, new feelings and allows you to see th...

Gluten Free/Dairy Dree Lemon Bluberry Banana Bread 2 1/3 cups of your favorite GF flour 1 tsp  baking soda 1/4 tsp  salt zest of  1  medium lemon 3 extra ripened bananas 1/2 cup stevia (if you like a sweet loaf!) 3  large eggs, room temperature 1/4 cup  ghee or oil, melted (avocado, coconut, macadamia nut oil) 1/4 cup  honey or maple syrup 3  TBS freshly squeezed lemon juice ( 1  medium lemon) 1/2 tsp  almond extract (or vanilla) 1/2 tsp  lemon extract (optional but boosts flavor) 3/4 cup  fresh blueberries 2  TBS sliced almonds for topping Instructions Preheat oven to 350ºF and line a 8x4 medium loaf pan with parchment paper; set aside. In medium bowl add your GF flour baking soda, salt and zest from 1 lemon; set aside. In large bowl whisk together eggs, oil, honey, lemon juice, sugar and extracts. Then mash in your bananas! Pour dry ingredients into large bowl of wet ingredients, using spatula to...

     Today I am out babysitting 3 of my 8 nieces nephews! We're just hanging out and I'm soaking up the time with them!       The oldest is 16 (he doesn't need to be, "babysat" but the youngest is 2 months old and I'd never want that to be his responsibility so I offered to watch the baby!) BUT, I DO love soaking up time with him because before I know it, he'll be off to college and won't have time for his Auntie Shelby! (insert really UGLY crying! He made me an auntie first and let me tell you, a PROUD one at that!)      Anyway, I've lost track of what day it is with the kitten, but we're doing okay! Less meltdowns on our end (Not 0...if that's any consolation ...but less)      It's a learning process and I was NOT planning on becoming a mama to ANYTHING this month let alone a flea infested, 1.5 pound abandoned kitten. So he and I are BOTH learning! Trust is a two way street! My sister is helping and THANK GOODN...

     I got out of the house today which made the anxiety and depression SOO much better! I needed to get out of my own head!       I swam with 3 of my 8 beautiful nieces and nephews and two of my sisters and brother in law and also hung out with my parents for a while!      It's so nice only living 8 minutes down the road from them! Sometimes I forget that all it takes for me to decompress and destress is a good old family outing where all we do is swim, laugh and talk about good, old memories!       I'm feeling a little lighter today than I was yesterday and that is SO important!       I hope YOU did something today that made you feel lighter in your soul!  XOXO 

     I am SO overwhelmed and sometimes the people in my life don't make it any easier. I wish I could explain, but It's honestly not even worth it at this point! It would just be me bitching and that's not what I am about, not today anyway!       I am just trying to find the positivities in the day! There are like 70 days until my vacation starts! Which is SO exciting! I can't wait to be in, "leave my troubles at the door for 13 days and forget about 'em mode."      I'm not stupid or naive, I know they'll all be here waiting for me when I get back, but once I've de-stressed for a bit, I am betting I will be able to see things with brand new eyes!       Yeah, we're gonna go with that today... XOXO 

     I got to vent to my mom today for the first time in a really long time and I have to be honest, it felt really, really good.       I am doing okay, but not great. I'm flipping between moments of joy, sadness, depression, anger, frustration, fear and nausea. Wrapped all up into one body, I am freakin' exhausted.       Doing deep, deep cleanings of your house daily to make sure that you and your new pet are protected, is a literal job in it of itself.       I have a lot to say and a lot to talk about but that's just not going to happen today, sorry folks!       Still waiting on all that new kitten with fleas that doesn't meat the age or weight requirement for medications advice!  XOXO 

     Today is day 2 with fleas and day 2 with bath and a teeny tiny comb. I also did a thin layer of organic coconut oil for bedtime because that apparently it helps.      I am tired, I am stressed and I am down right EXHAUSTED!       Send help and a VET whose willing to help me for a hot home cooked GF/DF meal, because I am TIRED.      Whoever dumped these poor kittens should burn in hell.  XOXO 

     I literally just spent 600$ (not even remotely a joke) on stuff to make an unknown aged kitten comfortable. I don't even know if it's healthy, but here I am, trying my best.      I'll show you all later what I got once I know more- I can't get the unknown gender into a vet until the 1st of August: But I'm currently dealing with friggen fleas and as you know, kittens under 5lbs and a certain age can't have flea treatments.... soooo Dawn dish soap is as powerful as I can get as of right now and I am living in an uncertain amount of hell that I can't even explain right now.  Anyway, if you have any pro tips, please send them my way...because well you know...newbie over here!  XOXO 

     Can we just talk for a quick second about how sickening it is that people have cats who reproduce and they just cage them or bag them and drive down a side road and chuck them?!       Yeah, I encountered something similar this weekend. There's about 6- 8 kittens aging from 2- 4 weeks old! It's been incredibly hard to catch them, my sister in law, nephew and niece have been out several times trying to get as many as they can but they're tiny, skittish and have to be so scared! Here's a FEW little pro tips: DON'T HAVE ANIMALS IF YOU: CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THEM ARE NOT WILLING TO TAKE CARE OF THEM WANT TO REHOME THEM EVERY FEW MONTHS IF THEY CREATE LIFE, YOU FEEL THE NEED TO GET RID OF THAT LIFE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD LIKE DISCARDED TRASH YOU'RE A SHITTY PERSON     And that's that folks.     Be GOOD humans to other humans, to animals to any living thing you fucking monsters. XOXO 

     I am still feeling like garbage, but I am getting out of the house to shake the stink off for a few hours to go over to the parentals house to see (almost) the whole family for a cookout! Dad has been smoking several types of meat all day and everyone else is bringing different sides and desserts, there will be swimming (obviously!) bonfires, rootbeer floats, laughs, baseball, softball and some randomness!       Family time is the best time!       Have a blessed Saturday, y'all!  XOXO

     I don't have a lot of energy left in me today so, here's my most recent before and after! a face to face Friday if you will!       This is what hard work and dedication looks like! A lot of hard decisions, saying no, working out, making hard choices and a lot of asking myself WHY I let myself get to such an unhealthy point in life.       Today I am thankful for how much weight I've lost, where I am with my mental health and a lot of little things in between!       I still have a long way to go and I am still figuring things out but I have my whole life to do that!  XOXO   

     Bro, this sinus pressure is going to be the DEATH of me!       Do you remember having colds as a kid and being like, "why are all of these adults acting like they're dying, this is NOTHING?!"      And NOW, now, you understand why, you know why those adults were dying, you know why they looked so sad, you know why they were, "overdosing" on medications, you know why they were at times so short with you!       Listen, I am a women and I am always going to get done what needs to get done but, this past week has taken a freakin' toll on me! On top of all the other shit i've got going on since my, "simple" gallbladder surgery from almost two years ago. (if you haven't kept up with the saga...read previous posts!)      Anyway, I'm off for the day, I need more rest and to hopefully get rid of this damn sinus headache!  XOXO 

    Here's the p 𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚎𝚜! 𝙸’𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚜𝚘 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚞𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢! 𝚃𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚓𝚊𝚕𝚊𝚙𝚎ñ𝚘𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚋𝚜! 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚒 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚘𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚟𝚎𝚜𝚝! 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚢 𝚣𝚞𝚌𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚒 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚝!      This is pretty impressive for someone who literally cannot keep house plants alive! XOXO

       I don't have Covid!      I still feel like absolute crud but I don't actually have the crud! I've been playing it real safe but decided today that I should test to be on the safe side! I am negative! As suspected by myself and my doctor, it's sinusitis brought on by my allergies draining into my ears and throat without emptying completely!       So for now, we're gonna stay the course, keep using my medications and hopefully I feel better by the end of the week!       I hope you all had an excellent holiday weekend celebrating nothing because as you know, we aren't freakin' free here in the land of the stolen, broken and absurd!       Yep, I'm that girl!  Happy Tuesday!  XOXO 

     Joy is booking a vacation on top of another vacation! I love Halloween, if you know me, you know this! It's one of my two favorite holidays! Christmas winning! Halloween coming in an extreme close second!       If you remember reading back around Christmas time, last year! You remember that I got my parents a cruise for Christmas! My sister and I are also going which was a present to ourselves! That is in September! We leave from a port in Miami!       I thought it was a great opportunity to go to Halloween Horror Nights, I mean I was already going to be down there! So why not create a 5 day vacation before the vacation 🙈 I didn't have to twist my own arm very hard!      So Universal and Islands of Adventure for 5 days and nights in Orlando and then we'll leave the 28th to go to Miami, stay the night in Miami and wake up in the morning and hop on a boat for the rest of the week!      I cannot wait...

     I feel like eventually i'm going to scare you all away with all the "sick" content. But Goddamnit, that's mt life right now!       We talked about the allergies.       But have we talked about how INTENSE the sinus pressure is?! My sinus pressure is so bad right now it's compressing my nerves in my top molars and giving me the worst toothache on the left side of my mouth. Mimicking a tooth abscess or infection! Which I quickly ruled out when the toothache dulled when I took Zyrtec, Flonase and Tylenol for the sinus pressure and headache.  I am so FAR over it, I can't even begin to describe it!  My nose won't stop dripping My fingertips are tingling (pinched nerve? heart attack? at this fucking point, I don't even know!) My ears are going in and out between being clogged and popping!  The HEADACHES....The headaches... The drowsiness!  The phlegm and drainage!       There's more, but I'm te...

     My allergies have gone completely rogue! I am to the point of massive upper teeth pain as of right now! Headaches that won't go away and i'm just all around uncomfortable! I am working on getting the allergy medication into my system, taking the nasal spray prescription and just trying to remain calm and not let my anxiety get the better of me!       It's hard when you're feeling lousy!       But being optimistic is just about all I can do as of right now, so that I shall try and be!       In the meantime, I am doing some work, getting somethings finished and started and hoping that I can be in the right place at the right time! Just kidding, I'm working on networking!       Have a happy Saturday, friends! OH and a SAFE holiday weekend!  XOXO 

     My nephew Keagan is on a traveling baseball team and he had a game that was close enough for me to come to! So that's what I did today!       I'm SO proud of this kid! He works hard, practices harder, he's an amazing big brother and as far as nephews go, he's one of the very best! He pitched most of the game today and then switched out to play first base! (Both of my positions, so I can't help but feel nostalgic!)      It was a Friday well spent!  XOXO