Trauma is a dangerous thing. You can think you ’re healed and over it and all of a sudden, a wave of pain can wash over you and suddenly, without warning or reason, you’re back fighting to keep your head above the water.         It’s a sinking feeling. Feeling like you can’t keep your lungs clear of water and the air you're gasping for is all around you yet, somehow you can’t inhale enough. Like a clog in your airways, it’s mucky and the grime is so thick, but the water seeps in anyway.         I’ve always tried to figure it out...How in the fuck does it get in when you know damn well that the air can’t even get in. I’ve never been able to figure it out, but I do take great pleasure in knowing that at least I try and decipher it.         I’ve always liked puzzles but there seems to always be a missing piece when it comes to trauma. Because healing isn’t ever a straight line; It’s messy ...

     Man, life is stressful. I hate being an adult sometimes! Sure, picking my own clothes and food are great, the freedom is wonderful and you know just being my own person has been really rewarding! But the stress, the bills, the being treated differently for being a woman, the fear of the public, the fear of getting abducted... the security? I miss that! I miss the feeling of being completely protected! Or at least feeling protected! I miss carefree, stress free days!          I feel like it ’s okay for me to day that. It’s okay for me to say that I love being an adult but the aspects around it, annoy me. The practice of the mundane is vastly overrated and yet underrated! Everyone wants to, “grow up and be an adult” I was that little girl who wished nightly that I was an adult already, I wanted my own life, rules and space. I wouldn’t say that I regret it, but I would say that I feel like I wasted my youth wishing I was where I am now....

     I was completely out of control on both fronts: my attitude and my effort. When I started this journey I had no idea that it would instantly help correct both. I worked on myself from the inside out and learned to laugh at myself, take weird pictures and be okay with the fact that progress is progress. No matter how big or small.         I start each morning now with a grateful heart, a positive attitude and I know that any effort is a step forward!       Laughing at yourself is an art and being able to learn from those moments of laughter is an even bigger art! I am learning to do both!  I am so grateful for this journey I am on!  The weight loss, the healing, the inner peace! It's all about balance, which is also something that I am trying so hard to keep!       So, here's to everyone who is searching for something better, trying to better themselves in anyway and to the people who are curre...

      “ OMG IT ’S SPRING BREAK!” Literally.       Which means I have a whole lot of kids in my face right now. Well, two right now! But they ARE in my face! I’m grateful that they love me enough to choose my house over the rest of their aunts, (shhhh, I’m a solid favorite!)         I feel like everyone views me as the,“entertaining one” I do my best but sometimes it’s incredibly hard to push away my complete, “fourness” to be the outgoing entertaining aunt that they all deserve! I love them all as if they were my own! And it might be the closest thing I’ll ever have to my own. (Insert sad PCOS comment) You’ll have to be creative, because I don’t have the energy to come up with anything! I only slept 3.5 hours, don’t judge!         I have a tendency to stay up extremely late working when I have to be up extremely early. It’s definitely a toxic trait, but I can’t say I am mad about it! I get some of my be...

     It’s spring break around here so we’re doing a game night with my sister and brother in law today and then tomorrow I’m getting my niece and nephew for a few days (two of seven!) that’s my weekend/week basically! I am obviously going to be working on all the stuff between all of that! I have unfinished pieces, writing to do, shirts to make, laundry, dishes, you know.... all the things! They’ll get done....eventually!         There I go, making lists again! Might as well make it an official one that I WILL write on paper later because it’s who I am as a person:   -Game Night -Kids -kids -Writing -Laundry -Dishes -Art -Relax -Procrastination -Music -Drawing -Mindlessly watching TV -The REAL dishes, because I didn’t do them the first time I wrote them down          OK! That’s enough there, don’t want to over-do myself..... Anyone else feel the overwhelming feeling of pressure when you have a long list of things to d...

     You all know how I ’ve been talking about how I was scared to put myself and my art out there because I am just so unsure if it’s good or not? But who determines if it’s good or not?! I am the only person who can judge it that way! If someone else doesn’t like it doesn't meant another person wont!        You are always going to have joy stompin’ people! The solution? DON’T LET THOSE FUCKERS STOMP YOUR JOY! It’s that simple!         I now have an Artist shop where you can BUY my art on basically EVERYTHING! I haven’t went live with it yet because I want to get a decent amount of items in the shop before I launch it! And I want to get my sample pieces in my hands first as well! But I have never been so excited to launch myself like this!         I have always been creative, I am literally who everyone goes to when they want something made, but I have never been confident that it was sell-able work. I...

     Okay, I want to talk about a subject that is heavy on my mind right now. I want to get it out so that way it doesn ’t keep weighing on me!         Life is a series of monkey see monkey do. We all just re-purpose and reuse others ideas, it’s literally the way of the world. We see something someone has done and think, “how can I slightly tweak that to make it my own and relevant in my own life?!” Except some people just literally copy you word for word, action for action and they just don’t care about how disrespectful it really is to do that shit.         I have this girl on my social media (I know, so stupid! I don’t even know why I am letting it get to me!)         She literally copies everything I do! She tries to be all genuine and Jesus this and Bless that! She is so unbelievably f.a.k.e. It kills me! I will post something about my weight loss because I am literally just so fucking happy t...

    Have you every found yourself literally bored with a room in your house but didn ’t know where to go with it? I have rearranged the my decor countless times! I have also been trying to slowly redo every single room in my house! The whole thing needed a face-lift and now that I am a whole adult and not just collecting shit that’s cheap or free to me, I want to have decor that actually all goes together!         I’ve moved onto my room and I think I have a color scheme! I’m thinking, emerald green (my fav!) mustard, navy, white and black! Yep! That’s it! The more I say it out loud the more I need to make that my theme! I like bold colors and even bolder patterns, I can’t wait to start collecting all the things and putting it together! I really have an obsession with decorating! And lately I am obsessed with the idea of vintage! I get myself into so much trouble because I am constantly changing things! I think it’s my version of, “new seasons” if...

      Grocery shopping: Done! Clothes shopping: Done! Birthday present shopping for my nephews: Done!  Decorations for the kitchen remodel: Purchased!  Groceries: Put away!  Dinner: Made!  Dishes: Washed!  Decorations: Arranged!  Got some creating done!          I feel accomplished! I feel like there ’s always a million things to do in a day and never enough time! Anyone else feel me? I often tell myself to slow down and, “smell the roses!” I can’t stress enough that tasks will always be there but you, your mental clarity and your health wont.    Here's what I struggle with: -Time management -Mental health -Stress -Anxiety  -Social anxiety -Being incredibly hard on myself -Being so overwhelmed that I just stop and do nothing because it’s better then trying to figure out where to start -Lists. There’s nothing else to say... lists are everything and when I don’t have them, I feel frazzled.     ...

               It’s been awhile since I’ve updated you all on my weight loss journey! I am still at it and now instead of eating junk food, I am just drawing it! Because it’s beautiful and so much fun to illustrate! Which is my focus right now, illustrations! Anyways, every time I post my weight loss updates on any of my social media outlets, someone without hesitation always asks me for my best advice when it comes to weight loss and staying focused I tell them this:          “Never giving up is my top piece of advice. A lot of people throw in the towel if they’ve had bad days thinking that they can’t do it anymore or that they’ve ruined everything. You can only ruin the things you don’t finish and the last I checked, there isn’t a limit on how many times you can get knocked down and get back up again! Resilience!”         They’re always looking for my, “secrets” and advice! I wish I had secr...