Mundane Monday...

    I am trying to find the positives about the boring and mundane. Today is one of those days! I find that sometimes doing trivial things like grocery shopping is sometimes enough to break my cycle of monotony. Which is good I guess since I have to go get groceries today to avoid looking like, "old mother hubbard!" 

    I am desperate for some change in my life.  I need something new and fun! Because as of right now it's doctor appointment after doctor appointment and I am over it. 

    I don't look forward to the everyday as much as I used to because now my everyday is full of prescription pills to make my body function the way it's supposed to and struggling to get through the day. 

    I have gastroparesis, food allergies, no gallbladder (which you would have thought would help the situation but it really has made it worse!) And as a new something to throw into the mix, I have scoliosis which, I already assumed I had because it runs in my family on my moms side, but I was hoping, just hoping that it would have skipped me, just this once. 

    I am struggling to eat, just like over the last 6 months, I really have to push myself to eat multiple times a day. I was told I am Malnourished, due to not eating right or enough for 6 months straight. 

    My weight loss journey has been halted because they want me to focus on nothing but eating at least 2,000 calories a day. Which is a hard thing for me to digest (pun intended, since EVERYTHING is hard for me to digest!) 

    This sounds like a pity party in hindsight and maybe it is. I guess, I need to get it out in order to move forward. Because I've been holding on to all of this for so long trying to be strong and perfectly okay with rearranging my whole life yet again, getting poked like a pin cushion and everything in between, but I feel like I've been slowly losing my grip on MY reality. 

    I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I've lost myself somewhere in the shuffle and I am trying to get back to where I feel most normal, and now looking back, I can't remember a time within the last year, that I DID feel like myself. I'm just going through the motions at this point in time. 

    So that's my goal for the rest of this year, get myself healthy and get my mind RIGHT. Because I am so, SO tired. Which is a side effect of the gastroparesis, but I feel like it goes deeper than that! I just feel exhausted and I don't know at what point, I let myself get this tired... But it's here and now I have to be the one that deals with it. 

    I swear I am not a person who complains about much, I go with the flow and let what is just be what is. But lately, I feel like if I don't get it out, I am going to explode. 

XOXO