F*CK you very, very much!

    There's a certain beauty in falling completely apart. Which, let me tell you, I am right there, I am falling apart. I have no problem in admitting defeat and boy am I feeling it. Here's my white flag, I am calling it! 

    There's no chill in my life, there's no peace or calm. I feel like an ocean at storm, raging and angry. Heavy on the angry! I am working every single day on that part though, but I know it's going to take time. 

    I know there are people out there that are way sicker than I am, that have way more shit to shovel than me. You don't have to tell me, I know how stupid I sound when I complain about my life. I have a home, warm bed, clothes, food and everything in between. 

    But in the same sense, I feel I have a right to be angry, disappointed and upset that my body is FAILING me yet again! 

    Society told me, "YOU'RE TOO FAT, CHANGE YOURSELF TO FIT IN."

    So I did. 

    Now my stomach doesn't digest food properly and I can't absorb proper nourishment. 

    Society told me, "FIT IN TO CERTAIN SIZE CLOTHING AND MORE PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU!"

    So I did, yet again. 

    Now I can't even THINK about losing weight because if I do I can seriously hurt myself from the malnourishment I've undergone over the past 6 months. 

    SO, here's what I say to society... FUCK YOU. 

    There's so much more to me than my size, there's so much more to me than the number on the scale and yet those are the things I am obsessing over. 

    I should be obsessing over making myself the healthiest version of myself. Physically and mentally, because I am desperate to feel like myself again! 

    I'll end this one with a cheers to myself. Because I know, now more than ever I need to love myself harder and treat myself with grace, love and respect. 

XOXO