Another day another diagnosis...

    I am struggling, yet again. I was diagnosed with a side effect from my medication for my gastroparesis. It's something called, tardive dyskinesia. 

    Tardive dyskinesia (TD) is a movement disorder that causes a range of repetitive muscle movements in the face, neck, arms and legs. TD symptoms are beyond a person's control. These symptoms can make routine physical functioning difficult, significantly affecting quality of life. (To site my source, it's google...But, I could have told you that the side effects are enough to drive a sane person completely mad.)

    I'm now on 25mg of Benadryl to reverse the side effects, given that it hasn't caused any serious damage. 

    After that, we'll discuss the next course of action that we'll be taking with the gastroparesis. Because I can't go on without taking medication. Or having some sort of preventative help with moving food throughout my system. 

    I'm a wreck. Honestly, I feel like I can't catch a break. I know that in the grand scheme of things, this might seem small...but to me it's just another hurdle, it's just another reason for people who don't have a clue to say, "hang in there, things will get better." or the ever so clever, "You just have to stay positive!" 

    What if I don't WANT to stay positive?! What if for once in my life I want to let the anger take over and just be mad at the fact that I can't just live my fucking life?! 

    I'm 29 years old and I feel like I should be living in a fucking nursing home. 

    On top of everything else, I have to fit in going to the chiropractor twice a week. This is to help correct the hip that I have in my rib cage and the scoliosis that I was born with. It's excellent timing! But needs to get done! 

    Anyway, I am off to take more Benadryl and then spend the rest of the night sleeping. Because that shit knocks me right out! It's basically all i've been doing for two days straight, sleeping! 

    I hope anyone who reads this blog has a fantastic week and actually manages to stay positive, we all have shitty, not so great things in our lives, I know this! I just need time to feel like shit and be mad, once I get over that, I know I'll be okay! 

    Have a blessed week! 

XOXO