W-I-N-D...

    You would have thought that God himself ate every single type of bean in the world and is having some major gas problems! BLOWING us ALL into OBLIVION! 

 

    This WIND is crazy, y'all! 

 

    I know, God jokes aren’t funny. But you know what IS funny? The fact that he’s up there probably laughing his proverbial ass off at my joke. I mean, God? Have gas? Doubt it! The thought of it, gives me a strange amount of hope that I’m not as serious as I try and be. 

 

    Today has been wild though, y'all! The wind, the power outages, the internet has been iffy. It’s a storm, I know. A wind storm. But like, why? Give me some snow and weather that hurts my face when I go outside, don’t force me to tie down my jolly Santa so he doesn’t blow away... that’s just wrong! 

 

    Now, I know what you guys are probably thinking, “what is with this girl today?” WELL, I feel better than I have felt in like 2 weeks! Being a girl is hard, if you know you know! Being human, however? EVEN HARDER! The world has been absolute trash the last 2 years. Seasonal depression is still a thing and if you’ve been paying attention to me at all, you know I am working so hard on myself both mentally and physically that sometimes, I just feel sad. 

 

    Sometime, even though I am so happy with where I am today, I still MOURN the loss of the girl I was. And for a long time, I thought that was strange. Why would I mourn a girl I hated SO much? Why would I miss a person that felt so trapped and lost? 

 

    I struggled with that for a long time. Until I came to the realization that I mourn her because she carried the real me for my entire life. Her legs, heart and darkness carried all the weight and burdens of my life for my entire existence. She got me to where I am today. She chose to help me, she chose to not kill herself, she chose to LIVE and trudge through all the awkward and difficult things so that THIS version of me could live and love herself, really LOVE and LIVE.

 

    That might not make sense to you and you know what? If you don’t get it, consider yourself LUCKY! Lucky that you don’t have to mourn the person you once were, you don’t have to feel any of the things above. I don’t say that to be crass or like, “my life is harder than yours” because I’m not trying to insinuate that at all! I’m just simply saying that you’re lucky. 

 

    Anyway, this is the most you guys have gotten out of me in such a long time and it feels so good to get it out! I hope that you are all having blessed weeks and that your Friday (tomorrow) is nothing short of incredible! 

 

    I’ll be doing some serious work on myself over the next 30 days, I let myself go, my mental health is struggling and I know this! I stopped doing the small things for myself that kept me from feeling the chaos rise inside of me. I need to be able to have time for myself to do small things for myself in order to keep my sanity. 

 

    Self care sometimes looks like peace and quiet. 

Self care sometimes looks like getting your hair/nails done, going out to dinner or having an indulgent dessert. 

 

    Self care looks different for every single person.

 

    Do what soothes you. 

    Do what makes you feel more alive. 

    Do what makes you feel like you. 

 

XOXO