Grateful Sunday!

    Warning: Suicide references below.

 

    I’ve been using Sunday’s as reflection days! I take time to be grateful for everything that I have, my health, my families health and everything in between! 

 

    It sounds small, but I never used to give myself a day where I could just sit back and be grateful for my life. Mostly because I never used to be grateful for it. I hated every single day where I was still struggling though life. Even on good days, I just couldn’t cling onto anything positive! 

 

    If you’ve been following along, you know that I struggled with my mental health for a really long time. I thought dying was the only way to be truly free. Truly happy. And I thought everyone’s lives would be better without me, because that’s how it seemed. 

 

    I wasn’t a whiz in school.

    I wasn’t popular. Like my other siblings. 

 

    I wasn’t like them at all. I just wanted a way out. 

 

    Because I was all alone. I had nobody to confide in and everyone who I thought I could trust, in the end, I couldn’t. 

 

    In retrospect, it was high school. Those years are always weird and trust doesn’t usually go farther than the bathrooms. 

 

    As I type this as a 28 year old adult woman, having gone through absolute hell in order to be sitting here in my house, cozy blankets, dinner every night, health, family and the ability to do be whoever I want to be, I am almost THANKFUL for all the years of bullying, all the years of being called fat and ugly, all the times I thought I could trust someone and it turned out, I couldn’t. That time a group of kids picked me up and threw me in a trash can, all of the shit I endured got me to who and what I am today. Which ironically is someone I am incredibly proud of. 

 

    That doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle, because I definitely do. But I have such a brighter outlook on life, I’ve been able to lose weight, I’ve been able to see a therapist who actually helps with my anxiety, I’ve gotten a hold of my depression! 

 

    I wake up most mornings with a grateful heart and the mindset to understand that life isn’t rainbows and butterflies! It’s hard work and dedication. 

 

    I’m grateful. So grateful that I am here and healthy. 

 

XOXO