The Devil's come to dinner...

    It’s raining projects! 

 

    I literally can’t stop creating projects! Anyone else feel that?

 

    I bought paint to redo my childhood dresser. Now, when I say childhood I feel like that means rickety old brittle wood hunk. It’s a solid oak, flawless with no actual damage! It’s just brown and my whole bedroom set is now black soooooo, it’s time for some change! I will be updating you all on this! I’m doing all the work myself and can’t wait to see how she turns out!!!

 

    Now that I have a new outlook on life, I can’t stop looking for and creating adventures.  My adventures are mostly physical ones!

 

    “But, Shelby? Aren’t all adventures physical ones?” 

 

    Last summer my adventures were trips to the store for groceries or going out to eat. Staying inside to hide from the shame of being who I was, what I was, was the easiest thing for me. Anytime I left the house it was an adventure. 

 

    NOW, I don’t have to leave the house to have physical adventure. Here’s what I do at home that I NEVER in my wildest dreams would have done before: 

 

• Redo every room in my house, one by one. Physical work. 
• Bought a heavy bag and speed bag combo and taught myself the art of using it. Physical work.
• Began a health journey with every intention of not allowing myself to fail. Physical and mental work.
• Bought a stationary bike to make it even easier to get some workouts in when it’s yucky outside. Physical work. 
• Bought a REAL bike to ride when it’s beautiful outside. Physical work. 
• Lost 130 pounds with more to go but feeling absolutely blessed and grateful for the process. Mental work. 

 

    That is just a small list of adventures that I've gifted myself. 

 

    Now lets talk about actual adventure: 

 

• Getting on an airplane. Buying ONE plane ticket for the ONE seat I needed.

• Florida trip, 110 degree days, amusement parks everyday, thousands of steps every single day, never quitting. Not being physically exhausted and needing to sit down for breaks! 

• Planning a HIKING trip where all we want to do is HIKE and see stuff. (Not even a thought last year!)

• I leave my house virtually every single day. Acclimating myself to the general population again feels nice. (I still have mad anxiety and struggle some with this, but I am trying hard!)

 

    The list will continue! But for now, I am grateful for where I am, the work it took to get here and the people who stuck around long enough for me to find my purpose. 

 

    I was someone who was lost. Physically, mentally,emotionally. I was a product of bullying and feeling completely unseen. I compared myself to my siblings and their popularity and successes. 

 

    Turns out my anxiety had A LOT to do with a lot of this. 

 

    And to be clear, I have amazing parents. They never neglected me. I was just an expert at hiding things from them, they’d go to bat for me any and every chance they had. They still do! 

 

    Here’s my thoughts for the day!

 

    Trust the process. Don’t let your past dictate who and where you go in the future. Things are SO different now than they ever were. I am a whole new person. 

 

    I never trusted the process. I thought it was cruel and a punishment for being a rebel child. 

 

    Turns out the process is what gives you grit and grace. The grit to get through tough times and the ability to show grace during those times. For yourself and others.

 

    You know what you're worth! Don't be afraid to sit alone for a while, while you figure it all out, trust the process! But please don't let the devil sit with you at the dinner table anymore. He/she doesn't belong there. YOU DO!

 

XOXO