Don't cry over shattered plates...

    I’m still sick, feeling slightly better I guess. I still feel like I’m burning out of my skin, my nose is still completely clogged AND running (why science, why?!) I don’t even know if science has anything to do with it, but you know!? I’ve got to blame someone or something and science was the closest thing. I’m running on low brain power and lack of sleep because when you can’t breath freely, you just sort of, lay awake.  

    Anyway, I am going to be starting my dresser project tomorrow! I think! The only thing stopping me from doing that is having he motivation to move the dresser, clean it and take all of the clothes out of it! (It’s still fully functioning in my room!) I’m just a full on procrastinator! (Not really, It’s just apart of the check-list!) 

 

    Lately I’ve been trying really hard to remind myself that I am nowhere near the person I used to be. But it’s hard to not fall back into the same routines. 

 

    All my life, I’ve always thought that I had to take care of every single person in my life. Making sure they’re happy an and healthy and don’t go without the things they need. Because of that, 

I have been spinning ten plates at a time for the last several years. Ten plates, two hands, you do the math! I never wanted there to be a time that I accidentally let one slip and I didn’t have a back up plate. 

 

    While I was busy keeping all of those plates in motion, I was allowing myself to be the broken plate on the ground that nobody ever finds to help clean up. I was burning myself at both ends and ignoring my mental health. Everyone around me had what they need, but did I? No! I burnt out and had a break down. I let myself go completely and the saddest part is, I didn’t even give myself the opportunity to figure out WHO I wanted to be; WHO I was without everyone else. 

 

    Over the last year I started a journey to get my mind healthy, my body healthy and my figure out who I was. 

 

    I put A LOT of plates down to figure these things out. To learn, to grow and explore. 

 

    Today, I’m finding myself looking in the mirror and seeing 8 plates, all in motion and not one of them has my name on it. 

 

    “Old habits die hard.” That saying has been around for centuries! I am finding that it’s a very real statement. 

    I was doing so good, but in the flow of life, I just picked up plates that didn’t belong to me and held them up for other people who probably don’t even appreciate it. 

 

    So it was also TODAY that I put down every plate but one! The plate that belongs to me and me alone. And I am starting again at day one. Body, mind and soul cleanse! Time to do some housekeeping! Get rid of the toxic shit that keeps pulling me back down and reboot myself for healthy living again. 

 

    There is A LOT that goes into keeping brains healthy. My brain has these things fighting me at every check point:

 

1. Anxiety Disorder
2. INFJ
3. 4 on Enneagram scale
4. Depression

 

    Those are four HUGE Road blocks. They have a way of telling you everything but the truth. 

 

    My advice for the day is this: Put the Goddamn plates down. Keep one and when it’s full, clear it. Don’t keep adding plates. 

 

 

XOXO