Eruption...

    I’ve been on a great path lately! Getting better every single day! I’ve been happier, calmer, free, less angry, literally more at peace. 

    The last couple of weeks I have been trying to hold onto the joy and happiness I’ve felt over the last year. It’s been such an incredible ride and I didn’t want to believe that depression and anxiety were starting to creep back in. So I ignored it. 

 

    Today, all of the emotions I was trying to convince myself weren’t really there erupted out of me like hot lava. Not giving a damn who or what it destroyed in it’s path. Just like actual lava, it selfishly destroyed a piece of me that I can’t ever get back. A little piece my my dignity and strength I’ve been building over the last year. 

 

    I guess I can’t say I can NEVER get it back. It just feels like that right now. So, I’ve admitted out loud that I am in fact in the middle of a depression. I am also admitting that I currently don’t know how I’m going to pull myself out of this one. 

 

    Here’s what I DO know. I’ve done it before when I was way worse and I know that it only seems hard right now. Eventually the storm will pass and I will be back on track. 

 

    Is there even a track? A proper one anyway? Or does everything happen by chance? I guess I will categorize that under things I may never know. 

 

    Here’s another thing I DO know. I am SO much stronger than I have ever been and if there is anything that I’ve learned over the last year it’s that I CAN do hard things. I just have to commit to them and trust that there are things in life that aren’t always going to make sense. 

 

    That might be the hardest part. I am a learner, a thinker and a researcher. I think about things from every angle and if it doesn’t add up or connect in some way, it hangs in my brain like the clouds hang in the sky. Up there in suspension, taking up space. Beautifully placed with different moods just like me! Sunny, overcast, dark, stormy, rainy...a mood for every single day! 

 

    Anyway, that is my honesty for the day! I am going through it right now! I’m just going to keep moving forward and let my heart heal! 

 

XOXO