The war inside!

    It’s been a really relaxing day today! I can’t remember the last time I did absolutely nothing all day and didn’t feel extremely guilty about it. 

 

    I work from home so a lot of people (fam, friends, outsiders) are under the impression that I am relaxing all the time. When that couldn’t be the farthest thing from the truth. I work twice as hard to stay motivated, keep on top of tasks and making sure that I hit deadlines. Does anyone realize how EASY it is to get distracted at home with random side things. Music, T.V, art, instagram traps, random videos, my guilty pleasure (my 600LB life), art, dishes (ha!)  random scrolling, literally the possibilities of distractions are freakin’ ENDLESS! 

 

    So here’s a breakdown for anyone who thinks, “I dOn’T wOrK” because I work from home:

 

* 2-3 hours is spent going over submitted papers that I have to go over with a fine tooth comb to make sure I’m helping these college students get the most out of their tutoring sessions. Red pen is my friend! (HEAVY eye roll!)

* 3-4 hours is spent actually helping students! 

* 1-2 hours is blocked off for my own personal writing!

* 1 hour is blocked off for art and creativity!

* 1-2 hours is blocked off for social media promotion!

* 1 hour is blocked off for my workout!

* 1-2 hours is blocked off for this blog!

* 2-3 hours is blocked off for my new creative venture which is going to eventually be work!

* I guess I block of 30-45 minutes for dinner? But usually I am writing while eating! 

* I try and make time for family and friends (A quick, “hello,” if anything!) 

 

    And that is just the scheduled shit. That doesn’t include the extra stuff that I fit in, in the in between moments. It also doesn’t include the fact that I am a human who also doesn’t want to miss out on adventure in my young-mid 20’s... OK, OK, LATE 20’s now! But I’ve been living like a 90 year old monk for such a long time that I am SO ready to take back my life and be in the best shape of my life while I do it! I don’t care one bit about being skinny or viewed as an, “acceptable” size by society, but I DO want to be healthy and happy and I don’t want hate the girl looking back at me! And over the last 8.5 months I’ve been falling in love with myself more and more every single day!

 

    I have thick skin! I always have! I’ve had to let what people think about me go and just focus on what I think of myself. At the end of the day, I know that’s the only thing that matters. The war in my brain is far harsher than the war going on around me. But I am getting better and better everyday! Clean eating, therapy, working out, losing weight, choosing myself, self discovery, learning, embracing change and growth and finally allowing myself to be F.R.E.E from the mental restraints of past pain and heartache! 

 

    I am a strong, independent woman and DAMNIT I am PROUD of my accomplishments, struggles, failures and PROGRESS! 

 

    If you aren’t proud of who you are then do more shit that makes you so fucking proud and happy!

 

XOXO