Not everybody has the same heart as you....Don't let it destroy you.

  

    Welcome to Febru-Tunity, y'all! We all have 28 days of new opportunities ahead! 

 

No matter what your life looks like right now, there are always opportunities. It just depends on your decisions after they’re presented to you and how you react to the possibility of change. We all have choices what you do with them is up to you! I used to fear change. I had gotten so comfortable with what was that the thought of changing and the vast unknown, terrified me. Anxiety had something to do with that I feel, but a lot of it was the sheer fact that I couldn’t bring myself to wake up every morning and not know how the day was going to go. 

 

I got comfortable emotionally rotting, physically killing myself, mentally fucking myself up even more, basically just straight up not giving a fuck about myself. It was never what intended for myself, I never wanted to be, “the sad girl” again. I thought I got myself right after high school, I thought things would be different once I didn’t have to deal with douche-bag classmates but that was just my naive innocence because there are douche-bags everywhere. Something I learned the hard way!

 

 Anybody else learn the hard way that not everybody has the same heart as you? I did and I always ended up hurting myself because of it. Which was the start of me turning off my emotions. I know it’s not physically possible to feel nothing because even feeling nothing is an emotion. Anger, hate, love, kindness, hope, happiness; they’re all feelings. The lines are sometimes blurred, but eventually if you work on it long enough, you find your way out of the darkness. I’m still working on my heart, because I haven’t found anyone who hasn’t broken it in some way or another, but I’m optimistic that there are people out there. I’m optimistic that there is a man out there for me; who will understand that I’m damaged but not broken. I still have the capacity to love immensely. I just need to be shown kindness, patience, grace and I need to know that I can 100% trust him. Does that even exist anymore? I’m sure it does and now that I know what I deserve, I’ll find it when I least expect it. 

 

This month I am affording myself the opportunity to learn all that I can, be exactly who I am, unapologetically, grow as a woman, fight for what I want and what I believe in and actually live. I’ve spent the better part of my 20’s acting like an 80 year old because I thought I had to have my life together and have all the traditional things that people have. Career, relationship, husband, house, kids, dog (ew, I’m more of a cat person!) everything. And it turns out that the harder I worked towards all of that, the farther I got from it and the farther I grew apart myself; the person I am. 

 

I never want to have to negotiate with anyone over changing who I am. Unless it’s a change that I want to make. Remember in the beginning when I said we all have a choice? Your life, your choice. I’ve never felt more confident saying those words! I used to think that everyone else in my life had all the power. I was just giving it away so freely. Now looking back, it was my time, energy, my power, my youth, my fire, my grit, my heart and my mental health that I was giving away. 

I’ll be 28 in March and I sure as hell won’t be giving away anymore of my time to unworthy people! 

 

My advice? Figure out what you’re worth. Sit down and make a list of everything that you ARE; what do you bring to a table? And then add tax to that because we all deserve more love, more understanding and more warmth than we ever are willing to accept. Just be sure to return the love; without giving too much of yourself away. 

 

I needed to learn to set boundaries, because I gave everything I was away. Every fiber of my existence was stripped from me and was replaced with welded on ugly metal and bolts of what people needed me to be. 

 

So here’s to 28 days of OPPORTUNITY! 28 days of COMMITMENT! 28 days of LIVING! 28 days of CHOICES! 28 days of BEING GRATEFUL! 

 

XOXO