Have you every wondered what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot?

    

    Is it our genetic code to give unwarranted advice? Or do you think it comes from a place deep within us that just wants to help others? Or maybe we have an insatiable desire to feel like we’ve got enough power in a persons life to make them listen. I don’t know what it is but I’ve gotten so much, “advice” over the years that was really more damaging than it was helpful. I guess I’ve taken some of it but a lot of times, I think I just forgot about what they said to me because it didn’t seem significant enough for me to remember; or it hurt me so I shoved it down towards where the demons hide inside me. Either way, as humans, I feel like we’re always trying to give sound, sane advice that helps people (unless you’re sadistic!) then you push whatever narrative that you want to see from the other party. 

 

    That’s how it’s harmful. Just because someone we love is giving us advice doesn’t mean that it’s good, sound, sane advice. It’s so easy to tell people what YOU would do but in order to actually help someone with THEIR problem; you have to allow yourself into their shoes. Trying to see from another persons perspective is hard. Since none of us have walked someone else’s path entirely, only similarly; meaning it’s really hard to be, “the shoe on the other foot!” 

 

    I’ve given advice, taken advice and ignored advice; I don’t know anybody who hasn’t. What I know now that I didn’t realize before was that asking for anybody’s advice is significant. You wouldn’t ask someone you didn’t trust for advice, right? (I mean I guess no judgment if you would but just know I’ll be judging you the whole time...) I personally wouldn’t. If I feel compelled enough to ask for someones opinion, It’s for good reason and I really don’t know what else to do. I don’t take wisdom for granted, not anymore. What I didn’t do when I was younger was listen to the things people were saying to me; I was hearing, just not really listening.

 

    I recently told you guys that I am 27 and will be 28 in march. I received my BEST advice in my 27^th year of existing, it was literally the simplest words ever spoken. Here’s what he said:

 

“Don’t be afraid to put yourself first.”

 

    Nobody has ever said that to me before. It’s always been, “well if you love someone you’ll do anything for them....” “We’re family, it’s what we do.”

 

    People don’t realize how toxic that shit is. I can still love someone deeply and put myself first. I can still do things for my family without feeling like I am putting myself on the back burner. I can still feel like I am doing for myself while I also help others. But nothing is as important as putting myself first and treating myself with the love and kindness I so freely give to others. I was so used to letting everyone shit all over me and use me for whatever they needed that the whole concept of putting myself first was completely lost on me. 

 

    At the end of the day, you’re the only one who knows when you need a break and when you need to take time and focus on yourself. 

 

    Call me crazy, maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s because I’ve been working on myself from the outside in, maybe it’s just because for the first time in my life I actually felt like something someone was saying to me was genuine, that they actually cared about me. 

 

    Healing is a process, but you’ll find that when you start feeling better, healing scars and conquering your demons, words sound A LOT different, hugs feel ALOT warmer, hope feels A LOT stronger, smiles seem A LOT more genuine and your heart feels A LOT fuller.

 

 

    
You didn’t break overnight, so healing wont happen overnight either! Put yourself first. 

 

XOXO