F I N D I N G Y O U R C E N T E R. . .

    As February is ending (one more day, I know!) I am reflecting on everything that the month has brought me. What have I learned about myself that has brought me closer to my center? 

 

    I feel like, “Finding your center” might be a little too simplistic. Because how do we know when we’ve found it? How to find it? Or if we’ve been there the whole time? What the fuck does it actually even mean?

 

    If we’re talking about yoga, it generally means connecting with your spirit; but maybe that’s what I mean too! I am not entirely sure! Or maybe I am and I’m simply just making it more complicated than it needs to be?

 

    Month by month I learn just how strong I am and what I’m capable of. A year ago, I was still a broken shell of a woman. I didn’t want to live let alone put myself out there the way I have in this blog or even on my social media. I have broadcast my weight loss journey and made it public for the world to see. This is huge for me because I am a very private person! I just like keeping to myself and going about my life in silence. Which was part if the problem. I didn’t want to be seen, I didn’t want people to notice me. I didn’t want anyone to think I was smart or talented or ambitious in anyway. I just wanted to be invisible. 

 

    Now I think it’s more important than ever that people finally see who I am and what I am capable of. All my life I’m been the, “she gets the job done” girl, but never the she is extraordinary girl. Now I don’t live under a cloud of rainbows and butterflies (although how spectacular would that be?) Do I think I am extraordinary? No! Do I think I have the potential to be? Maybe! Either way, I would really like to give myself the opportunity to figure it out. I spent years behind a cloak of invisibility (another Harry Potter reference, I’m sorry, not sorry!) I figure that 2021 is as good of a year as any to take it off and let the sun shine through my cracks. 

 

    Now what does all of this have to do with my center? I think that finding my center means getting to the core layer of myself and being able to fully understand her. The heart that beats in this chest has been broken, shattered and put back together over and over, and along the way some of the pieces just got lost. Every time you feel hurt you heart quakes just a little, until eventually it’s so fragile that one little thing will push it to it’s very limit and it just shatters. For me, finding my center means that I give myself the time and love that I know I deserve to heal my very core and build layer for layer with tools that will keep helping me cope with the very things that broke me along the way.

 

    When I decided to take myself apart and rebuild from the inside out I had no idea it would take me down such dark path. I had no clue that my past even looked that way. Looking back, I didn’t think I’d make it an entire month. I have never been more grateful that I was WRONG. Because now even though there are still dark times ahead (the Harry Potter just keeps pouring out of me!) I know that I have so much light ahead too! Letting the sun in has brightened layers that I thought were permanently damaged and charred by the flames of my past. I know now that the only way to move forward is to let it in! All the happiness, the pain, the sadness, the struggle, the triumph! Everything! It’s a long road but it’s one that I don’t regret for even a second walking down. I am different by leaps and bounds and I can tell you that I would never in a million years want to go back, not for anything. Forward is the direction I am heading and the center is what I am searching for! Maybe my spirit will connect or maybe I’ll just be happier than I’ve ever been. The journey is unknown but the path is clear! So for now, I am just going to trust the process! 

 

Sending Saturday blessings! 

 

XOXO