You do not have to light yourself on fire just to keep others warm...

     

    Happy Saturday! Does anyone else think that January lasted 5 whole minutes, or is that just me? My birthday is in March and I have to say, I’m here for it! 28 going to be a fresh new year for me. I have already been making so many changes in my personal life. Health, happiness, discovery, adventure, joy, mental clarity, physical clarity, setting goals, not giving up on myself, having more honest moments, trying new things, crossing things off of my forever long to-do list, positive talk, more creativity, less bullshit, zero drama, all the tea. 

 

Today I want to talk about personal boundaries. I am a person who struggles HARD with this. I tend to let people walk all over me and agree to do things that I don’t really want to do because I feel obligated and or just feel too guilty to say no. Which in turn makes me feel like shit. And I finally decided that I no longer have time for things or people who make me feel like shit. I am truly loving the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me; and I mean that in the sincerest way possible. I just used to spend so much time letting people invade my personal space and pretend that my personal boundaries didn’t exist, that I just sort of gave up and allowed it to continue for a really long time. 

 

**YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIGHT YOURSELF ON FIRE JUST TO KEEP OTHERS WARM.**

 

Repeat that saying a few times. Say it out loud and really feel it. I am far from perfect and I will never, under any circumstances pretend that I am. I have made mistakes, I have said things and done things I wish I hadn’t. We all have, it’s what makes us human! One thing I know for sure is that I have grown from my past mistakes, I have accepted them and claimed them as my own. I have also healed from things that most people would never understand. Experiences unite us, but only if you’re willing to talk about them. And I never was until now, because I know it’s the only way to get over it all. 

 

Now to be clear, I am not trying to make it sound like I’m a complicated person; I’m not. I prefer complex. I love helping others whenever I can and I’ll always be there for the people that I love. But there is a difference between being there for the people I love and being there for the people who love me. I could love you until I’m dead but at the end of the day, if you don’t love me back the same way, I am just doing things for you because I love you and you’re taking advantage of that. I need reciprocation. I am 100% not an, “atta girl” kind of girl, but I do need to feel it back.  

 

It’s easy to blur the lines between what’s acceptable and what’s not. Especially if you think you’re doing something for someone you love. I gave away my love so freely before; I wanted people to feel it from me. And though I am definitely not saying I want to close myself off to love, I just feel like I need to give it out sparingly. I spent so much time giving it to everyone else that at the end of the day, I didn’t have any left for myself! Which, now looking back, I know that it was never fair for me to do that; not to myself or the important people in my life who needed me. 

 

So as a result of what I’ve just told you all, something that I am working on is setting boundaries and sticking to them. I have people in my life who will literally test the limit of what I am willing to do for them until I am dead. I was given an assignment by my therapist to make a list boundaries that I will integrate into my everyday. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

 

1. I’ll learn to say no to things I know weren’t meant for me.

2. I won’t tell people I can help if my mental health will be compromised.

3. I will no longer do things for people just because I love them.

4. If I am not feeling it, I won’t force myself to do it.

5. I will allow myself more personal space.

6. I will stop giving people permission to abuse my kindness. 

7. I will only say yes to people because I want to; not because I feel obligated.

8. Sometimes NO is a complete sentence.

9. My time will no longer be wasted on people who don’t deserve it; you can’t get it back.

10. I no longer accept other peoples failures and shortcomings as my own. I won’t allow people to blame me for things that aren’t in my control.

 

Those are my current top 10! They might change or grow, who knows! But in the meantime I am happy with where I am and I can’t wait to start implementing them in my everyday. These things may seem basic to you you guys, but to me, they’re a big deal. It’s taken me a really long time to understand that just because I set boundaries doesn’t mean that I am being selfish or difficult. It just means that I am finally giving myself the respect that I deserve. Which for the people who only take from others, these all seem ridiculous. 

 

To me, they’re illuminating. 

XOXO