We don't always know what we're doing while we're busy making wishes...
I have always wished I was older.
“When I’m older, I’ll make my own rules!”
“When I’m older, I won’t have to listen to anyone but myself!”
“When I’m older, life won’t be this hard!”
“When I’m older, I can finally be who I am!”
If only life worked that way, the same insecurities I had as a child are the same ones I've carried with me through adulthood. The problem with the, “When I’m older...” wishes is, sometimes I don’t want to have the power to make my own rules. It’s a burden! Sometimes I WANT to listen to others, because they can give me the perspective that I need but I can’t see through my cloudy eyes. Life is always going to be hard no matter where I am, what I do or how successful I am. And lastly, I have ALWAYS had the power to be exactly who I am but that has changed so much over the years that it’s been almost impossible to nail her down. I don’t regret any of my past selves because I have learned so much and grown from her.
As it turns out, we don't always know what we're doing while we're busy making wishes!
I always am reminding myself that sometimes we plant seeds and they never grow. Those were things not meant to grow. The seeds we plant that sprout, still need just as much love and care as fully grown seeds. We water plants and give them sunshine and if you’re me, you talk to them everyday because you believe it helps them grow! We have to give the same amount of love and care to ourselves so we can grow too. It’s not something that just happens overnight or by itself; just like anything else important in life, it’s work.
“If it was meant for you, it wouldn’t be so hard.”
I believe that to an extent, but I also think that if you love something, nothing is going to stop you from chasing that down. I personally have spent years doing things that didn’t feel right, but I loved it so I didn’t stop until I was sure. I have to finish the things I start and maybe that’s my fatal flaw; I don’t give up on people or things easily.
I look back at who I used to be and I feel nothing but gratitude for her. She went through so much shit and still she kept picking herself up and putting herself back together and brought herself to me, the person I am now.
“When I’m older, I’ll be thankful for everything that I’ve been through because I know it’s what made me the girl standing in front of you today!”
It doesn’t mean there still isn’t shit to go through. Life throws you an immeasurable amount of shit and how we handle it is how we grow through it, “Grow through what you go through!” -Tyrese Gibson.
Do yourself a favor and plant some seeds this week. Nurture the ones that seem promising and they’ll grow and shelf the duds and move forward.
XOXO
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