Strip it down...literally
There are moments in your life when you realize that the people you’re constantly trying to please and make happy don’t deserve an ounce of your attention, affection or time.
What 2020 helped me realize was the person I wasn’t showing enough attention, affection and giving time to was me. So in May, I stopped, evaluated and came to the conclusion that everybody else in my life had to start coming second to my first.
I think building relationships is super important and I love being there for the people that I love but not when it fucks with my mental clarity. So 2020 for me has literally been a re-building year. I stripped off every layer and ounce of pain I've ever felt in my life, all the happy, hard times and anger, good times, the unimaginable and I began to compartmentalize.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to forget all of the things that made me who I am, but I want to start a new chapter with who I've become. I don’t like comparing hurt, everybody feels things on different levels and what deeply hurts one person could just be everyday life for another. So, don’t for a second compare what you’ve been through with anyone else, and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t be hurt over something that did in fact rip you apart.
I peeled away every layer until I was just a raw shell of a person. I then began welding the parts of me back on that are irreplaceable. When that was done I started evaluating what was most important to me so I could start there and begin the reconstruction process.
I don’t know if you’ve ever evaluated your life this way, but I can assure you it’s hard. When you’re reinventing yourself, you have to think about every aspect of the person you’ve been, the person you are and the person you want to become. The point of all of this is to learn all that you can about yourself, we are an ever-changing species! If we aren’t changing, there can be no growth, right?
So now it’s 2021 and I am physically better. I’ve dropped a literal 100lbs and I am still in the process of starting over. But what I can tell you is that I am a hell of a lot different than the person I was the start of 2020. I’m still learning, still growing and still changing in positive ways. There is no more room in my life for shit that no longer serves me. Shit that doesn’t change me in positive ways. Shit that doesn’t make me CRAVE being a better person. Shit that doesn’t make me FEEL.
2021 is all about stripping it down and getting to the root of all the shit that tore me apart and made me let myself go in the first place.
Until next time!
XOXO
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