A project a day keeps the procrastination monster away!
I’ve really been trying to up my crafting game! I’ve always been into DIY stuff, but in a world where the day ends far too quick, there are a lot of, “I’ll do it tomorrows!”
So in an effort to quit procrastinating, I’m going to start picking one project a day that I’ve been putting off and make time to just do it!
I have been wanting to redo my workout area! When you have a a small space to work with you have to get creative, especially when you’re bringing gym equipment in! I desperately wanted to get that area cleaned out (bye clutter!) and get some mats put down to make the area look nicer and reduce the noise! And today I finally checked that off my list! It sounds so stupid when you’re like, “you procrastinated putting mats down?” Yeah, I certainly did! Every single time I went to the store I forgot to buy them and it just kept turning into, tomorrow.
BUT, alas! I went to the store today and made sure it was top priority! After the groceries of course! I’ve been dying without my almond milk! (Again, procrastinating going to the store!)
Y’all I wasn’t fucking around when I said I was doing shit for myself this year. That doesn’t mean I don’t have room for others, because I always do! But, pushover Shelby is gone. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if we can’t make ourselves happy, how can we expect to make anyone else happy? Happy isn’t a destination as much as it’s a journey! Sadness comes and it goes just like happy does; and every other emotion. That’s life! But the way that we handle it when it comes around, no matter how you’re feeling is going to be your defining moments. I’m excited to keep learning about myself and see where I end up.
I don’t want to give the allusion that I am happy all the time because that is the farthest thing from the truth. I have my moments just like everyone else. And I used to handle them all wrong with self destructive behavior. Drinks, food and weed was my bread and butter. (not that there’s anything wrong with either in moderation!) but I was using it as a way to escape my life; mentally running away from the real things that were pissing me off. I learned the hard way that you have to face the things that hurt you, scare you and piss you off. Because if you don’t, you end up completely self-sabotaging; which is exactly where I was.
I had been working on digging myself out but after I was assaulted and choked out, I turned it off. My emotions, my humanity, my everything. And it’s taken me a long time to be the person you’d know me to be today. If you know me in real life, you know this. If you’re just a reader, if you’ve struggled with similar things, I feel for you, I understand you and know that it gets better. I reached out and started therapy because doing it on my own wasn’t working. That worked for me, (I am in no way saying it will you!) you only know what works for you!
I’m going to keep getting “naked” on here, so stay tuned. I’m sure as hell done censoring myself just to save face.
Lastly, not to get too off topic (is there really ever a specific topic with me?) The answer is no, but I’d like to think I was more organized than that! Anyways, does anyone else feel like there are just too many options in the world!? It’s overwhelming as fuck! Having anxiety doesn’t help matters whatsoever!
I’ve learned that I am hellaciously introverted but that doesn’t mean I don’t love interacting with people. I guess you could say I’m a slight ambivert!
My last therapy session ended like this:
Deb: What do you think it is about certain situations that makes you feel anxious or that you’re an introvert?
Me: I don’t like feeling overwhelmed. That’s how my anxiety starts, I guess.. (I paused to think)
Me continued: Public crowds, where there are a lot of people make me really uncomfortable, I can’t tell you why, they just do. But I guess it might be the fact that even if not a single person is looking at me, I feel like all eyes are on me, judging me. Conversations, especially with people that I don’t really know terrify me! I am always scared they’re going to think I’m an idiot! Maybe that is a contributing factor to the whole introvert thing.
Deb: Judging what? And do you think you’re an idiot?
Me: judging my appearance, my everything. Me. Almost like they can see every internal scar I have and they are disgusted in me for allowing it. And no, I actually think I’m quite intelligent, but that doesn’t mean everyone will think that.
Deb: You know they aren’t, chances are they aren’t even paying attention to what you’re doing. Even if they are, they don’t know a single thing about you. So how do you think you can talk yourself down from that so it doesn’t consume you?
Me: I always tell myself that it doesn’t matter if they are judging me. Because at the end of the day, I am the only person I have to please and if I am happy with myself, It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
Deb: And you don’t think you’ve grown? A year ago you would have told me that you just ignore it and hope it goes away. That my friend, is growth.
And that my friends is where I’m going to end this. Always remember that even if shit seems really bad, you can always turn it around, you can always choose yourself.
XOXO
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